Another week

Hi all,

It's been another week....

and well, basically this week, i've been outside for like 4 days, staying over at friends house...

haha, stress over so many redundant stuff....

maybe planning to quit SJ soon, like what my parents are stressing over and over again.

Why waste the time, money and energy to work for something that has no returns?

People in other schools get CCA points fo it, or other CCAs get money for going back to help, what do i get back then? Nothing...

Nah, not exactly, i get back stress and more stress though...haha....

It's like being the eldest... so much responsibility and stuff...

Talking about taking care of cadets and all, but then, does anyone truely appreciate it?

All that is given back is complains, complains and more complains....

And sometimes, even through the complains, we have to think of them at our best interest...

I mean, C'mon...i'm not getting anything in return...and the least i ask is to get appreciation back...is that so HARD?

Ok let's not talk about appreciation then, start of by not creating so much problems for me 1st...

All the un-needed stress... about people doing stupid things...

And by saying stupid things, i means things like trying to injure yourself....

Seriously....i HATE it....

If you want to slash yourself, why not just slash yourself in the neck instead of the arm, that way you'll end up dying faster....instead of just trying to cut yourself to inflict pain...what goals does it acheive in that way?

Or are you too afraid of dying...and not have the guts to do so....

haha, this few days, people are asking me to smile more often?

Well, it's not that i've not been trying...

I've been "smiling" for about half my life now.... and what reaction did i receive?

Not serious, since i'm smiling most of the time...
Won't feel sad no matter what, since i'm always smiling....
Wierd, since i only know how to smile....
Easy to bully, since i have no temper.....
Ignorant, since i only know how to smile....
No emotions, since i smile all day long.....
Take things lightly, as i smile so much....

Well, in actual fact, i do feel emotions.....

And i'm not ignorant.....so treat me like somebody who knows nothing and ignore me since i don't know....

And i can take things seriously...

So for people out there who think otherwise, do take note of it....

And it's true that i don't know how to show my emotions...
I don't know how to show the feeling of appreciation, and all those...
And i'm trying to learn how to do so...so please don't catergorize me so fast....

And i know that i've not been going to school lately...but that doesn't mean alot of things....
Especially catergarizing me....

And now, i have the feeling of being incapable...

Being incapable of doing lots of things...

Incapable of helping others...

Incapable of keeping friends...

Incapable of making new friends...

Whenever i thought i had made a new friend, the other will be thinking in a different way, and won't treat me like a friend...maybe it's just me...but heck it....

"Even if I say"
"It'll be alright"
"Still I hear you say"
"You want to end your life"
"Now and again we try"
"To just stay alive"
"Maybe we'll turn it around"
"Cause it's not too late"
"It's never too late"

"If you feel so filthy"
"So dirty so fucked up"
"If you feel so walked on"
"So painful so pissed off"
"You're not the only one"
"Refusing to go down"
"You're not the only one"
"So get up"

Just a few songs to express my mood and feelings....

See, i do know how to express them...just that it's expressed in a different way...

Nevermind...most won't get it anyway.... and i'm already misunderstood....

So why bother right?

And there's just one thing i'm so afraid...shall elaborate more on the next post then..haha

Well, that's it for now then..
Till next time...
bb

Beginning

Hi all,

It's been around another week since i posted again....

Well, recently, there's not much events going on...

Just the usual stuff like hang out,watch IRON MAN which was not bad....and more hangouts...

Well, this year won't be going for ndp lol...

Anyway, the past few days had been in school doing an animation for selling?...zzz

Who sells animations lol..? haha...ended up with no one coming to buy?...haha...

Well, as expected, chionged for that animation, and ended up not having sleep for more then 4 hours a day..haha...

Friday night met up with SUMO people again..haha..drank around a dozen bottles of Heiniken...

And miracle enough, i can wake up on time and met thanesh and hidayah for breakfast lol...

and even now, still having the energy to type here... That's how strong a body can be...haah...

Hopefully later's recee won't be a failure? i'm putting alot of things at stake here since it's mother's day...

Well, likee i say before, there's no such things as friend's forever...in some part of time, friends will leave you...and soon...it'll be back to hi-bye again...

Looks like what i say is accurate lol...

"What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?"
(I'm not okay)
"I told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means"
(I'm not okay)
"To be a joke and look, another line without a hook"
"I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!"

"Another sad song, with nothing to say"
"About a life-long wait for a hospital stay"
"If you believe that I'm wrong"
"This never meant nothing to you"
"I waited so long for someone to say"
"If you can move on"
"I'll never get you to stay"
"If you believe that I'm wrong"
"This never meant nothing to you"

haha, just another few songs to bring out the meaning more to this post?
haha...
Well, that's all then...
Till next time
bb

An end to everything

Hi all,

It's been exactly the 1st monday of the 3 months since i've last started typing her name out...

And well, i think its time for me to give up.

She's happy now and let it be so...although i don't even know how i should feel...

So that's the end of it i guess...

I've also been into the thrend of not going to school....

WHAT AM I THINKING MAN...

Do i want to end up like my brother who quitted his school?

Everything is on me now...and can i give up so easily?...

That's why i'm going to end this all...make me be new again...

i'm going to start getting back on track like what i should do....and accept that some things cannot be changed, no matter how hard you try....

But all this is just all talk and no action...

You are The Fool
Idea, thought, spirituality, that which endeavours to rise above the material.
The Fool is the card of infinite possibilities. The bag on the staff indicates that he has all he need to do or be anything he wants, he has only to stop and unpack. He is on his way to a brand new beginning. But the card carries a little bark of warning as well. Stop daydreaming and fantasising and watch your step, lest you fall and end up looking the fool.

Well, time to show the world what a fool i can be....

Time to shed the shell and be reborn as a new character...

and time to end everything thats ties me back.....

"This is my last call to you then I'll give up everything"
"That we had, that we'd do and you'll never hear me sing"
"All these songs about you so just take this time to think"
"Plans we made but didnt see through"
"Just take this time and think"
"Dreams we had that never came true"
"Just take this time and think"
"The look in my eyes lookin' at you"
"Just take this time and think"

"At first I was afraid I was petrified"
"Kept thinkin' I could never live without you by my side"
"But then I spent so many nights"
"Thinkin' how you did me wrong"
"And I grew strong"
"and I learned how to get along"

Just a few songs to let you guys know how i feel...
Well, that's the end of it i guess...
haha....
Till next then then..
bb

In a flurry of moods

Hi all,

Its been a week since i've last updated...

Only went to school on tuesday?...

haha...

Over the week, i've debated with my mother on the way of life...

To me, life is but a cycle?... a constant cycle of events...that keeps happening again and again...

and if people don't accept this, they'll be force to it eventually....

We can make it look better? by enriching ourself with actvities to make us happy?...

But are those really creating a happier life for us?...isn't it still a constant cycle if you look at the big picture?...

Well, another point to note...humans will never be satisfied with themselves..they will always be looking for ways to improve themselves...

What does satisfaction means? It will never be enough? and the greed that consumes humans will always be there...

There will always be things that are better...but why can't we be happy about the things we have now?..

How come humans cannot overcome temptation... and if offered a better route, they would rather take it knowing that there is no way back rather then just be happy with the current things...even at the price of forgoing something with better prospect?

Well, just now i attended another funeral...so maybe that explains the thinking?...

haha

"I can't escape this hell"
"So many times i've tried"
"But i'm still caged inside"
"Somebody get me through this nightmare"
"I can't control myself"
"So what if you can see the darkest side of me?"
"No one will ever change this animal I have become"
"Help me believe it's not the real me"
"Somebody help me tame this animal"
(This animal, this animal)
"I can't escape myself"
(I can't escape myself)
"So many times i've lied"
(So many times i've lied)
"But there's still rage inside"
"Somebody get me through this nightmare"
"I can't control myself"

"Now hush little baby, don't you cry"
"Everything's gonna be alright"
"Stiffen that upper lip up little lady, i told ya"
"Daddy's here to hold ya through the night"
"I know mommy's not here right now and we don't know why"
"We feel how we feel inside"
"It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby"
"But i promise momma's gon' be alright"

Maybe a few songs to help u guys understand what this is all about?
haha, just not thinking straight at this momment...
Don't even know what is right to think about at the momment...
Well, that's all then..
Till next time..
bb