Now...

Hi all,

It's been around 2 weeks since i've last posted...
Many things have happened so far i guess...
Well, let's start off with the fact that i've survived the 10km run...
Haha...didn't know i can do it anot, but went to try it and did it...haha

Anyway...
The past few days had been bad for me?
I just can't seem to stop quarrelling with friends, parents and even teachers?
Getting ignored is more of more of a norm...and i just can't shake of the feeling of losing yet again...
Responsibilities are just tying me down...
Sometimes, i seriously wonder..
Must my parents always have to be right?
I hate it! For them to be right all the time...
Ha...but facts are still facts huh?

They recently claim that all my friends are just -----...
but are they seriously just -----?
Ha, they ask me not to be so stupid...
Why trust your friends and be even willing to die for them?
Would any of them do the same for you?
If you were to ask them to die with me, would they do so?
Or would it be me alone?
I or even they know that i can do anything for a friend.. even if it is to die?
Ha, and the ultimate question would be, who would do the same for me?

To be born into this world and wish that you were not born into it...
That's what alot of people are wishing for right?
But what if the situation is reversed?
What if you are born into this world, and suddenly you found out that you're actually not wanted...
That from young, your parents have attempted to kill you not only once...
That even till now, if i were to listen to them and be a good kid,
I would be in the grave for quite sometime already...
Ha, and to think that so many people do not want to live because of various reasons...

I've been thinking...
Is it worth your time to do some volunteery work only to be scolded, to be blamed and to ultimately carry resposibility of so many things?
Wouldn't it be better to just give up?
After all, the only things i can lose now is just more friends...
I know for one that if i give up on SJ...
Things will be different...
Maybe i'll feel part of my life being empty?
But to suffer, and the responsibility that weighs down...
Does it all balance out?
I don't know... I can only see it as time goes by...

Lately, i've also been thinking too much..
But what i may be thinking may just as well happen...
You can never be too sure of it...
Maybe it's just fate?
But maybe it's something else...
Who knows? Maybe only you yourself knows the answer...

I'm also losing my persuasive self...the self that could change people, and try and help them...
I'm just becoming more and more irritating...
And the fact that what i say doesn't counts anymore...
It all just bring down to one point...
I can no longer help others like i use to...

"this is my will to die"
"to end this sorry mess up life"
"to end the misery of me"
"that's the way it needs to be"
"it needs to end now"
"I don't even care how"
"I need to leave this place"
"I won't leave in peace"

"Do you believe in God"
"Written on the bullet"
"Say yes to pull the trigger"
"Do you believe in God"
"Written on the bullet"
"And Cassie pulled the trigger"
"How many will die?"
"I will die"
"I, I will say yes"

Well, i guess that's all for now then...
Till next time then...
bb

The Cycle

Hi all,

It's been weeks since i've last posted...

Mainly due to the fact that my laptop is spending more time sleeping then being awake...
Well, things have happened this few weeks,
and to start it all up,

I would like on emphasis on a fact that i've observed..
No matter how much i want to deny it,
It still comes back in a form of a cycle...
No matter what was done, and no matter how others deny it as well,
Fact remains that soon, things will change back to the past.
Since i've lost at the 1st, the 2nd and now the 3rd seems to slowly fade away with the passing wind.
Recently though, i've caught the breeze again, only to lose another..

This brings me to the fact where in life, often choices are made, no matter how big or small they are, there are bound to be sacrifices.
Every step you take in life, every choice you make in life, you're bound to lose something else.
It just comes naturally that people often like to sacrifice something small in exchange for something larger, or should i say, "For The Greater Good."
This theory has been true in all aspects of life, and is happening at every moment of your life.
Thus, when people make their choices in life, there will often be regrets.
Why is that so?
Plainly due to the fact that they made the "wrong" choice, or took a bigger sacrifice then the other, and realise that they shouldn't be so hasty.

I've also learned a meaningful sentence this few days, "a person's personality is not reflected by the way he presents himself, rather, it's through the act of a person that shows the real personality."
I find this sentence rather true, for example: a person sleeping in class may not seem to know much about the lesson and would not seem interested, but what people can't see is how hard he studies for the subject and the knowledge he possess for the particular subject.

Well, this just shows how naive a human can be, for they will always look at the surface of things, and never really go understand the inner layers. Due to the fact of it being troublesome and they would rather spend time on something else.

Another meaningful sentence that i've found, "It is very easy to change one's appearance or pick up a kind of fashion -a way or a style to maintain one's looks or a very cosmopolitan lifestyle...but it is not that easy to emulate inner substance and the more intangible values in life."

This sentence is simply an evidence to the fact that i've stated.
People will only look at the surface of things, and rarely will they care about the inner side of things. With this, it'll often lead to the wrong conclusion, leading a mistake in judgement, and the forever condemnation of something innocent.

Who can actualy answer me this question:
How do i heal a broken heart?
For it is not the answer that i seek, but rather the method

Life is also like an Onion,
It starts off with a layer, and as you slowy unconver more layers,
the more it'll make you cry, and only until the end,
did you realise that you've peeled till it's nothing,
and that you've wasted your time crying...

"The moments died, I hear no screaming,"
"The visions left inside me are slowly fading"
"Would she hear me if I called her name?"
"Would she hold me if she knew my shame?"
"There's always something different going wrong"
"The path I walk is in the wrong direction"
"There's always someone fuckin hanging on"
"Can anybody help me make things better"

"But when I need you"
"You're almost here"
"And I know that's not enough"
"And when I'm with you"
"I'm close to tears"
"'cause your only almost here"
"Bruise and battered by your words"
"Days are shattered, now it hurts"
"Haven't I always loved you?"

Just some of the things i felt when i'm typing now...haha
Well, hopefully no one understands it till i truly leave...haha
Well, that's all for now..
Till next time...
bb