Why?

Hi all,

It's been around 2 weeks since I've last posted...

Hmm, well, things have happened over this time, though not many...

Well, 1st of all, i've said some words that i've not said before in my entire life..
Ha, how hard it is to say them...
Just by trying to say them, i've suffered jaw cramp..
Seeing how easy it is to say those words by others..
I find it amazing..
Probably due to the fact that my feelings are all hidden? Perhaps then...
But i've finally said it...
And it's not to someone particular...
Ha, how disappointing? Who knows? Perhaps deep down, i've saved those words for someone special?...Hmm, maybe...

Anyway, i've realize that this world is getting more and more havoc?
People are doing lots of crazy stuff, and i question myself more, why do those people exist?
But who am i to judge them? What makes them different from me?
Hmm, all these dangerous thoughts...
Maybe i've watched too much shows...

Anyway, are promises meant to be broken?
If they are, why are they called promises?
Hmm...i wonder...
Though i doubt it's broken intentionally, well, it still affected me somehow..
I would be lying if i said that it didn't affect me at all...
Since it's made to me..

"Sorry" is a word that is said to others when you did something wrong..
Too bad i dislike people saying it to me...
The reason? Since it's done, it's done...no amount of words or actions can affect or change me instantly..So why say sorry?
And normally, those people who say it don't even need to say it..because it's not their fault..
But still, people keep saying that to me...
The accursed word...

Some people just don't get me..
Why do i still stay in SJ after such a long time..
7 years of it.. Isn't it enough?
But people just don't understand, i stayed for a reason..
It's the only safe haven left for me..
Once it crumbles, i'll no longer have a haven to go to...
To escape reality, to escape life, to escape all those that i want to escape...
Don't anyone get it?
It's not like my life is so perfect now...If it is, i wouldn't even need a haven to begin with..

Forget it, i'm ranting too much...

"You walk straight, not like them"
"To fool them in, make it seem like you're in trouble"
"Make a sound, fake it enough"
"What made you so scared?"
"Maybe you're mistaken for someone who cares"

"Silence your harsh words my dear"
"My ears are ringing of this"
"I can't stop thinking of it"
"(I try to reach you but I fall)"

Hmm, here's another few songs that i hope will make myself clearer...
I guess no one bothers anyway..haha
Hmm, that's all for now i guess..
Till next time..
bb