Another week

Hi all,

It's been another week....

and well, basically this week, i've been outside for like 4 days, staying over at friends house...

haha, stress over so many redundant stuff....

maybe planning to quit SJ soon, like what my parents are stressing over and over again.

Why waste the time, money and energy to work for something that has no returns?

People in other schools get CCA points fo it, or other CCAs get money for going back to help, what do i get back then? Nothing...

Nah, not exactly, i get back stress and more stress though...haha....

It's like being the eldest... so much responsibility and stuff...

Talking about taking care of cadets and all, but then, does anyone truely appreciate it?

All that is given back is complains, complains and more complains....

And sometimes, even through the complains, we have to think of them at our best interest...

I mean, C'mon...i'm not getting anything in return...and the least i ask is to get appreciation back...is that so HARD?

Ok let's not talk about appreciation then, start of by not creating so much problems for me 1st...

All the un-needed stress... about people doing stupid things...

And by saying stupid things, i means things like trying to injure yourself....

Seriously....i HATE it....

If you want to slash yourself, why not just slash yourself in the neck instead of the arm, that way you'll end up dying faster....instead of just trying to cut yourself to inflict pain...what goals does it acheive in that way?

Or are you too afraid of dying...and not have the guts to do so....

haha, this few days, people are asking me to smile more often?

Well, it's not that i've not been trying...

I've been "smiling" for about half my life now.... and what reaction did i receive?

Not serious, since i'm smiling most of the time...
Won't feel sad no matter what, since i'm always smiling....
Wierd, since i only know how to smile....
Easy to bully, since i have no temper.....
Ignorant, since i only know how to smile....
No emotions, since i smile all day long.....
Take things lightly, as i smile so much....

Well, in actual fact, i do feel emotions.....

And i'm not ignorant.....so treat me like somebody who knows nothing and ignore me since i don't know....

And i can take things seriously...

So for people out there who think otherwise, do take note of it....

And it's true that i don't know how to show my emotions...
I don't know how to show the feeling of appreciation, and all those...
And i'm trying to learn how to do so...so please don't catergorize me so fast....

And i know that i've not been going to school lately...but that doesn't mean alot of things....
Especially catergarizing me....

And now, i have the feeling of being incapable...

Being incapable of doing lots of things...

Incapable of helping others...

Incapable of keeping friends...

Incapable of making new friends...

Whenever i thought i had made a new friend, the other will be thinking in a different way, and won't treat me like a friend...maybe it's just me...but heck it....

"Even if I say"
"It'll be alright"
"Still I hear you say"
"You want to end your life"
"Now and again we try"
"To just stay alive"
"Maybe we'll turn it around"
"Cause it's not too late"
"It's never too late"

"If you feel so filthy"
"So dirty so fucked up"
"If you feel so walked on"
"So painful so pissed off"
"You're not the only one"
"Refusing to go down"
"You're not the only one"
"So get up"

Just a few songs to express my mood and feelings....

See, i do know how to express them...just that it's expressed in a different way...

Nevermind...most won't get it anyway.... and i'm already misunderstood....

So why bother right?

And there's just one thing i'm so afraid...shall elaborate more on the next post then..haha

Well, that's it for now then..
Till next time...
bb