Now...

Hi all,

It's been around 2 weeks since i've last posted...
Many things have happened so far i guess...
Well, let's start off with the fact that i've survived the 10km run...
Haha...didn't know i can do it anot, but went to try it and did it...haha

Anyway...
The past few days had been bad for me?
I just can't seem to stop quarrelling with friends, parents and even teachers?
Getting ignored is more of more of a norm...and i just can't shake of the feeling of losing yet again...
Responsibilities are just tying me down...
Sometimes, i seriously wonder..
Must my parents always have to be right?
I hate it! For them to be right all the time...
Ha...but facts are still facts huh?

They recently claim that all my friends are just -----...
but are they seriously just -----?
Ha, they ask me not to be so stupid...
Why trust your friends and be even willing to die for them?
Would any of them do the same for you?
If you were to ask them to die with me, would they do so?
Or would it be me alone?
I or even they know that i can do anything for a friend.. even if it is to die?
Ha, and the ultimate question would be, who would do the same for me?

To be born into this world and wish that you were not born into it...
That's what alot of people are wishing for right?
But what if the situation is reversed?
What if you are born into this world, and suddenly you found out that you're actually not wanted...
That from young, your parents have attempted to kill you not only once...
That even till now, if i were to listen to them and be a good kid,
I would be in the grave for quite sometime already...
Ha, and to think that so many people do not want to live because of various reasons...

I've been thinking...
Is it worth your time to do some volunteery work only to be scolded, to be blamed and to ultimately carry resposibility of so many things?
Wouldn't it be better to just give up?
After all, the only things i can lose now is just more friends...
I know for one that if i give up on SJ...
Things will be different...
Maybe i'll feel part of my life being empty?
But to suffer, and the responsibility that weighs down...
Does it all balance out?
I don't know... I can only see it as time goes by...

Lately, i've also been thinking too much..
But what i may be thinking may just as well happen...
You can never be too sure of it...
Maybe it's just fate?
But maybe it's something else...
Who knows? Maybe only you yourself knows the answer...

I'm also losing my persuasive self...the self that could change people, and try and help them...
I'm just becoming more and more irritating...
And the fact that what i say doesn't counts anymore...
It all just bring down to one point...
I can no longer help others like i use to...

"this is my will to die"
"to end this sorry mess up life"
"to end the misery of me"
"that's the way it needs to be"
"it needs to end now"
"I don't even care how"
"I need to leave this place"
"I won't leave in peace"

"Do you believe in God"
"Written on the bullet"
"Say yes to pull the trigger"
"Do you believe in God"
"Written on the bullet"
"And Cassie pulled the trigger"
"How many will die?"
"I will die"
"I, I will say yes"

Well, i guess that's all for now then...
Till next time then...
bb