Strangely enough, i'm lost?

Hi,

Things have been happening recently so fast that's it's hard for me to keep track...

I've been hit with the feeling again...the de-ja-vu effect...the feeling of being lost....

Losing something isn't a good feeling...and in my case, losing it is worst then ever....

I've had this feeling once before...and now, it's totally lost...What's happening now is also the same thing...and i think i've lost it...

I simply hate the feeling, i cannot shrug it off, i cannot do anything about it, and it just huants me day and night..it just stays in my mind...

Because of that, i dread waking up in the morning, my nights are restless.....and i don't have the willpower like i've used to...

What can i do? what can i do to prevent all this from happening?...

The only way that i think off is to be not so friendly... if being friendly and caring brings me results such as this...then by being not, i would stop this feeling from coming? right?

I'm living in a world filled with many sides...and each side requires me to wear a different mask, to act differently, to be a different person, to do different things....

Talk about split personality... people look at me and each have their own perspective of me, but which of them truely sees me within?... up till now, i've seen none...

This is such a complex world to live in...we humans go about doing our routine things in this mudane life...but how many of us truely makes a difference? how many of us show our care and concern to others and tries to help others?...

And out of this few, how many are not misunderstand by others.... by treating somebody nicely, they will think that you have an ulterior motive...to show care and concern and they will think that you are planning something...that's the way a human lives...

So maybe i should revert back to my old self? back to 7 years ago? where i would keep everything to myself and be an introvert? show care and concern only to myself and no others? maybe, just maybe...

My parents just came back from Malaysia a few days ago...and before that, they met an accident...the lucky thing was that they had survived it with minimum injury...considering a lorry hit the car and destroyed a side of it?

The car was dragged from one lane to the other before the lorry really stopped... and luckily my parents who were inside was safe...or not everything will crumble like a cookie....and i'll have to take care of everything?.....it's just one incident after the other huh?...

"Sometimes I get the feeling, she's watching over me"
"And other times I feel like I should go"
"Went through it all, the rise and fall"
"The bodies in the streets"
"And when you're gone we want you all to know"
"We'll carry on, We'll carry on"
"And though you're all dead and gone believe me"
"Your memory will carry on"
"We'll carry on"
"And in my heart I can't contain it"
"The anthem won't explain it"

"Can you see"
"My eyes are shining bright"
"Cause I`m out here"
"On the other side"
"Of the jet black"
"Broken mirror"
"And I`m so weak"
"Well is it hard understanding"
"I`m incomplete"
"And all their souls are burning"
"I get weak"

Well, a few songs to show how i felt?...
Well, that's enough now...i don't think people will really understand all this lol...
Unless they are good at tinking out of the box?
haha, it's all just a mind game...
Well, that's all then...
Till next time,
bb